Paramore > technology

Alright. So i'm sitting here at work listening to Paramore (undoubtedly the best band ever). paperwork to my right, a long "to do" list to my left, and a rather creepy visitor just now leaving... occasionally walking by the window and staring inside, what the heck. luckily I have security on speed dial. or do i? shoot. i shoulda bought that mace while i had the chance...anyway, i know i may sound a little different in this entry... less "refined" or "formal" i guess. But honestly, I'm so tired. sometimes you just gotta relax ya know? let loose and let the words flow.

I'm so ready for Haiti. I'm so ready to wake up and have a purpose other than making sure i'm ready for work on time. day after day, waking up to my alarm at 8:15 (sleeping in freaks me out)and laying there, staring at the ceiling. already knowing what the day will be like. Spending way too much time thinking. Its torture really. (brick by boring brick by Paramore comes to mind) I dont personally understand it, but ever since Colombia i have felt so restless. I just feel like i need to be out there doing something. changing something. affecting. helping. impacting. making some sort of difference. dont get me wrong, i know this is where im supposed to be right now. i know that i just have to deal with it if i want to be a dietitian. i understand that things would be alot different if i had worked at camp again this summer... but i didnt feel called. idk. i just feel so useless and restless. just alot of nothingness. and yet alot of heaviness. i know what i want and yet i dont. fyi, im complicated. its a gift really, not so much a skill, because its not exactly something i would want to "perfect". I know Haiti will be worth the wait. I know God has been refining me, preparing me for it. Testing my patience... my life long struggle. I'm not particularily a fan. but thats just me.

So, i've always been one to kinda shy away from technology, mainly cause it breaks every time i touch it (ironically i work at a "technology center"). for instance, i'm a klutz and spilled something on my laptop one year, which burned the internet disk thingy out completely. So had to fix that (it completely trashed out a few months later. bummer i know). every single phone i've ever had has broken. i dont really get it. all ipods, radios, cd players, computer programs... break. hmmm im starting to wonder if its from all the mercury in my system. i bet that's what it is. too bad its permanent... oh well. thats how life is. gotta take the bad with the good.

creepy guy stopped by again. how sweet. who needs security. i'm handling this... adios!